I didn’t even Know!

October 1, 2017, marked 18 years of marriage to my best friend and love. I knew he was good and kind, but I had no idea of the kind of man I would need! I'm so glad I chose him…

I never knew that He would be all that he is… A fantastic provider, a wise counselor, an advocate, A fan, and an encourager. A loyal friend and playmate. Protective husband and father. The kind of man other men look up to—the sort of man that leads without control. I definitely did NOT know what a clean freak he would be! 😏  I'm glad... most of the time. Haha!

Now, I can hear your thoughts… "could you brag more! Yeah, yeah, I’m sure rainbows fly out of his butt!" Haha… That’s what I’d be thinking anyway!

He has been such a good balance to my weaknesses, yet he has allowed me to be me. I love that he still looks at me like he did when we were young. I love that we were young together, and now we've grown up together and are on our way to growing old together. We've literally been together through better or worse, sickness and health, richer or poorer! God has been good to me.

But there's more...

Now, I can hear your thoughts, “Could you brag more!”, “Yeah, yeah, I’m sure rainbows fly out of his butt!” Haha… That’s what I’d be thinking anyway!

You are correct. Noah(my hubby) is most definitely not perfect. In fact, our marriage has been a complicated rollercoaster ride through our weaknesses these 18 years. I could tell you stories that would make you feel really good about your relationships, trust me!

This year, I have thought a lot about our ups and downs. Our strengths and weaknesses. I have thought about our successes and failures. There was so much that, as a 21-year-old bride, I could have never anticipated. So much, I never even knew to pray for or to ask God. I was so young and naive. So why have we made it this far? How do we still like each other with two children in relatively good mental and emotional health? Well, that answer is as loaded as the question. But, if I had to say what is the main reason, I’d say commitment.

Yes, commitment.

Commitment on my Grandparent's part to love each other till death parted them. My grandmother had Alzheimer’s her last ten-plus years on this earth. It was challenging. At times, honestly, we were inconvenienced by her mental state. Every Christmas, our whole family would gather at my Grandparent's farm in North Dakota. Eventually, four generations, all together, 40-plus of us. A lot was going on, and Grandma Loraine would get quite confused and sometimes agitated. Christmas eve one of their last years with us. We were sharing updates and testimonies and prayer requests as we did every Christmas Eve. My Grandpa had open heart surgery earlier that year, so many of us were expressing our love and thankfulness for his leadership and his loving us through the years. Grateful, he was still with us. He graciously nodded at our kind words. My Grandparents always shared last, then prayed over our family. When it came time for him to share, He praised God for bringing them through another harvest, as he usually did. He shared how proud of us he was… but then he got emotional. He said, "I have something to say." "All of you have gone on about me and how great you think I am. But I gotta tell ya; I would be nothing without your grandmother! Sometimes I wasn’t a good husband when we were young. I did meet the Lord but through her prayers and example. She was faithful through many difficult years! I know she’s not herself sometimes but don’t you forget who she is. She has prayed for you all your lives. She’s the reason this family is so blessed, and I love her and am so grateful for her." He looked at her with deep love and commitment, “we’re gonna get there, aren’t we ma?!” And with her ever-faithful smile and teary eyes, she nodded, clutching my Grandpa’s hand. She eventually forgot us all, except my Grandfather and her Jesus. She never stopped loving either of them.

"My mom and dad used to talk about how they prayed for our future spouses. For that commitment, I am sure, I am reaping the harvest."

Commitment

On my parent's part, to love each other until my dad went to be with the Lord at the young age of 52. My mom was only 44 when cancer left her a widow. They were married for 23 years. Their shared commitment to serve Jesus and live it out daily was no secret. They were pastors of a small inner-city church that was more home to me than our house. They were committed to the body of Christ, to a flaw at times. They were obedient and steadfast to the call of God. They raised us, kids, to follow Christ wherever he may lead. We ever had people who were homeless or in need of a safe place, living with us. We did life with our church family, which was often a sacrifice of any kind of private family life. It wasn’t perfect or easy, but I knew that we were in it together. My mom and dad used to talk about how they prayed for our future spouses. For that commitment, I am sure; I am reaping the harvest. My parents were in love. I mean, passionately. I used to accidentally walk in on them French kissing!! Overhear my dad making a lewd inference that only a husband can say to a wife and not get slapped. They laughed a lot and fought with respect and honor. There was no name-calling in our house. Except for the one time, my mom told my 5’5” father, “OH, Shut up! You stupid little man!!” hahaha! Such a rare occurrence. We still laugh about it to this day. There was no touching the other person without respect in our home. My dad used to say, “Eh, eh, no hand games! No calling your sister an idiot.” or whatever name was being hurled between siblings. They were committed to walking out mutual respect in public and behind closed doors. Much of the way they interacted has been a blueprint for Noah and me in our marriage. My dad has been gone 20 years, and my mom never remarried. A bond like theirs is hard to move on from.

"For us, divorce is not an option. We chose that when we would make our vows, we would keep them to the best of our ability and cry out to Jesus a lot!"

So, When Noah and I decided to spend the rest of our lives together, we talked about these things. We agreed that we do not believe in divorce. (We all have different journeys, please don't feel condemnation or judgment.) For us, divorce is not an option. We chose that when we would make our vows, we would keep them to the best of our ability and cry out to Jesus a lot! Oh, and it has taken everything at times! Anyone who says marriage is easy is a liar! It is the best and worst, hardest, and most rewarding thing next to raising kids. We sought good Godly counsel. We made agreements about how we would (and would not) fight. We talked about parenting style before the kids arrived. We made all of this a part of our commitment. We chose each other that day, and we did it over and over again. The most significant commitment we made was seeking God and living for him together and as a family. All these things put us on the same page so that when storms came, we were in agreement about what really mattered, even if, at the time, we didn’t like each other very much. Oh, and with all our proactivity, we still get our butts kicked by life because it never goes as planned. That's another reason your commitment to each other is so critical. When life goes haywire, you know exactly where you stand with one another.

Noah and I, in our younger years, arguing at a family portrait session. Our friend thought it was funny and took a picture. It is. :-)

God has been so faithful! I didn’t even know to ask for all that he was and is. I didn’t even know that my upbringing was going to serve me so well in my relationships. I had no idea the heartache that could and would come in life. God has been so committed to seeing me grow up. To go before me and make the way straight. He was preparing Noah for me before I ever dreamed of him. He was preparing me to be a wife designed for Noah. God has seen us through every great happy event and every painful one as well. Morning by morning, new mercies I see.

"Cause I can’t even commit for a day, to stay off sugar! I am fickle and selfish. I am short sighted and often have no clue what I am getting myself into…"

Thank you, Jesus, for your commitment to go to the cross. If he were like a man, he would have changed his mind when being Jesus was no longer fun or convenient. He isn’t like us. His ways are higher. Thank God! Cause I can’t even commit for a day to stay off sugar! I am fickle and selfish. I am short-sighted and often have no clue what I am getting myself into… But God! He knows all my inner thoughts and workings.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55: 8 & 9

Sorry so long-winded!

Comment if you need prayer for your marriage, and I commit to pray for you.